STUPID IDEAS ?????

There were people out there in the world that thought the Pet Rock was stupid. There were also people out there in the world that thought Cabbage Patch Kids and Beanie Babies were stupid. There were even a few people out there in the world that thought Giga Pets were stupid – let’s not discuss those people because… well, they were right. But regardless of what some people thought about them, all of those things made millions of dollars. It was obvious; somebody must have liked those things enough to buy them (whether or not they also thought they were stupid).

Okay, now we zip through time to year 2011 and we find… there are people out there who are still coming up with new products that some consider as being, for lack of a better word at this point in time, stupid. An immediate example that comes to mind would be the invention of the ever-popular bicycle handlebar ashtray – and even possibly the follow-up success story, the bicycle handlebar spittoon. As far as I can tell, both of these products flew off the shelves so fast that no-one, not even the manufacturer, has any idea as to how many were produced and/or how many were sold. Some reports even list both of these items as the Number One and/or Two items that were shoplifted during the 2011 Christmas shopping season. I didn’t actually see any of these reports but I’m pretty sure that’s what someone told me that they had heard somebody tell somebody else. So it must be true.

But  A – N – Y – W – A – Y… as we’ve seen in the past all too many times, there are some people out there in this world that… just… don’t… get it. And now, in this day and age of the internet, social network sites, twitter, and mimeograph machines, the fact that they just don’t get it spreads at the speed of light – or maybe faster. Here’s a sampling:

Dear Bertha,

The handlebar ashtray is stupid.

Walter – Humphrey, Idaho

Dear Bertha,

The handlebar ashtray is the absolute worst gift idea that I’ve ever seen you recommend. Seems to me like you should not be supporting the idea of smoking while bike riding. What’s next, oxygen tanks mounted to your bike?

John – Opelika, Alabama

Dear Bertha,

We wrote in complaining about the burn holes in the rear end of the tandem captain when the stoker had trouble getting the cigarette butt into the handlebar ashtray. We then thought that the handlebar spittoon was the answer to our nicotine dilemma. It turns out that my stoker is no better of an aim with her spitting that she was with her cigarette butts. Sure, my cycling shorts are no longer full of holes but, by the end of our ride, my backside is usually covered with… well, never mind. It’s just gross. The handlebar spittoon was a stupid idea.

AK – Ft Worth, Texas

Once again, we here at More On Cycling make every attempt to be in tune with what our readers are saying to us. It's pretty danged obvious that what we are hearing is, “We want our nicotine but we think the handlebar ashtray and the handlebar spittoon are stupid. Come up with a better idea.”

Introducing…

The nicotine patch covered bicycle seat.

Enjoy the ride!