STUPID IDEAS ?????

There were people out there in the world that thought the Pet Rock was stupid. There were also people out there in the world that thought Cabbage Patch Kids and Beanie Babies were stupid. There were even a few people out there in the world that thought Giga Pets were stupid – let’s not discuss those people because… well, they were right. But regardless of what some people thought about them, all of those things made millions of dollars. It was obvious; somebody must have liked those things enough to buy them (whether or not they also thought they were stupid).

Okay, now we zip through time to year 2011 and we find… there are people out there who are still coming up with new products that some consider as being, for lack of a better word at this point in time, stupid. An immediate example that comes to mind would be the invention of the ever-popular bicycle handlebar ashtray – and even possibly the follow-up success story, the bicycle handlebar spittoon. As far as I can tell, both of these products flew off the shelves so fast that no-one, not even the manufacturer, has any idea as to how many were produced and/or how many were sold. Some reports even list both of these items as the Number One and/or Two items that were shoplifted during the 2011 Christmas shopping season. I didn’t actually see any of these reports but I’m pretty sure that’s what someone told me that they had heard somebody tell somebody else. So it must be true.

But  A – N – Y – W – A – Y… as we’ve seen in the past all too many times, there are some people out there in this world that… just… don’t… get it. And now, in this day and age of the internet, social network sites, twitter, and mimeograph machines, the fact that they just don’t get it spreads at the speed of light – or maybe faster. Here’s a sampling:

Dear Bertha,

The handlebar ashtray is stupid.

Walter – Humphrey, Idaho

Dear Bertha,

The handlebar ashtray is the absolute worst gift idea that I’ve ever seen you recommend. Seems to me like you should not be supporting the idea of smoking while bike riding. What’s next, oxygen tanks mounted to your bike?

John – Opelika, Alabama

Dear Bertha,

We wrote in complaining about the burn holes in the rear end of the tandem captain when the stoker had trouble getting the cigarette butt into the handlebar ashtray. We then thought that the handlebar spittoon was the answer to our nicotine dilemma. It turns out that my stoker is no better of an aim with her spitting that she was with her cigarette butts. Sure, my cycling shorts are no longer full of holes but, by the end of our ride, my backside is usually covered with… well, never mind. It’s just gross. The handlebar spittoon was a stupid idea.

AK – Ft Worth, Texas

Once again, we here at More On Cycling make every attempt to be in tune with what our readers are saying to us. It's pretty danged obvious that what we are hearing is, “We want our nicotine but we think the handlebar ashtray and the handlebar spittoon are stupid. Come up with a better idea.”

Introducing…

The nicotine patch covered bicycle seat.

Enjoy the ride!



A COUPLE OF BROTHERS

In late 1962, Schwinn introduced the Stingray bicycle. Basically, what they did was to take the small-size cruiser-type frame that they’d been producing for years, slap on some butterfly handlebars and a banana seat with a sissy bar, and give the bike a new sleek, hot rod look. Naturally every other bicycle manufacturer followed suit in some form or fashion.

Also back in the 60’s, it was typical to find bicycles being sold in various places other than bicycle shops and department stores – places such as lawnmower shops and auto service stores. Auto service stores such as OTASCO and Firestone. And of course, these shops sold their versions of the ever-popular, Stingray-style bicycles – and at a price somewhat less than what a real Stingray would cost at an authorized Schwinn bicycle shop.

But that little bit of history doesn’t really have a lot to do with our story – other than the two Firestone Stingray-style bicycles that were presents to two brothers back on a mid-60’s Christmas. Gold bicycles - with shiny chrome flared fenders and slick rear tires. With those two bicycles, an entire world immediately became ripe for exploring for two young brothers.

And explore they did. Their world kept expanding with each excursion they took. Those excursions led to other areas of interest – collecting things that they would find along the way. It’s amazing what young boys can find interesting to collect: matchbooks, pop bottles caps - even things that were a source of income back then – pop bottles. Those bikes made quite a few trips to Stockton’s grocery store with a basket or two full of bottles netting a dollar or two each trip for the guys. Some BIG money back then for sure.

For those who aren’t familiar with section line roads, let me explain. A section of land is one square mile – 640 acres. The four roads at each side of the section are section line roads – north, south, east and west. During the time of the two gold Firestone bicycles, Midwest City, Oklahoma covered almost nine sections. These two boys lived smack, dab in the middle of the middle section. And thusly, their boundaries were assigned: Go anywhere you want to go on your bicycles but don’t cross one any of the four nearest section roads. Meaning – they had a whopping 640 acres in which to ride. Surely that didn’t seem too unreasonable.

Also at this early age, a drafting and artistic background began to emerge in the two lads – and an idea – “Hey, let’s map out all the roads that we ride our bikes on.” So they did. Never mind the fact that maps could be had for free at every single gas station back then!

So off the two boys went – riding – making mapping notes – riding – picking up matchbooks – riding – picking up pop bottles and then heading off to Stockton’s. Riding and riding and riding. And then, wouldn’t you know it. They had ridden and mapped out the entire 640 acres. Permission requested to cross section line roads. Permission granted. (Note: I’m fairly certain that the formal request was probably made at a point in time after several section line road crossings had already been secretly carried out!) Within a few months, the two had pretty much mapped out the entire city and done a tremendous service by cleaning all of the matchbooks and pop bottle caps out of the gutters. The two gold Firestone bikes logging in hundreds and hundreds of miles, modifications, abuse, repair, and whatever else two early-teen youngsters could subject them to.

One day the younger brother came home with – “The English Racer!” A Raleigh, ten-speed beauty that he had wheeled and dealed and traded somebody something for. He was sure proud of his transaction. And the older brother, even though on the verge of graduating to motorized four-wheeled transportation, was indeed impressed and slightly jealous. So they scrounged around and found a frame and assorted parts to put together another ten-speed bike. Not near as cool as “The English Racer,” but cool enough that the two of them could ride in style together until the bikes gave way to “the ’53 Ford.”

Fast forwarding through the calendar, the cycling paths of the two brothers crossed here and there every now and again. Most notably in the early ‘90’s when the younger brother talked of this huge bike ride in Wichita Falls, Texas. So off they went – to join 10,600 other cyclists to ride the Hotter’n Hell Hundred. Their dad was even there to watch – probably to be there to grant them permission to cross a section line road should they encounter one along their journey. The younger one rode his fancy new mountain bike. The older one rode his vintage 70’s ten-speed. It was the longest twenty-five miles that they had ridden together in a long time. But it was a good ride. (My philosophy: All rides are good rides – some only after they’re over.)

Eventually, just like back when the boys outgrew the boundaries of the middle section of Midwest City, Oklahoma, in no time at all the two were looking for bigger and better places to ride. The culmination of that was in 1997 when they decided to do an 8-day, 475-mile ride across Kansas. And don’t ever let anyone tell you that Kansas is flat. Sure, the western portion of the state is fairly flat – but that 400 mph wind out of the south is a killer! Kansas also has a lot of section line roads so naturally the guys invited their dad to ride along with them – granting them permission every mile to go on across the section road. (Yeah, right!) But still, for three guys who were all born in Kansas, it was a pretty neat trip to ride a bicycle clear across your old home state together.

As it is with most siblings, those two brothers shared a lot of good times with each other over the years. Also, as it is with most siblings, probably a few not-so-good ones – but fortunately those times were always trivial. Not all of those good times that the two brothers shared were on bicycles together – but some very memorable ones were. And while sometimes little brothers may too soon go on to other worlds, the good times and good memories stay with us forever. Happy birthday, Gary.

For now – enjoy the ride – and thanks for reading my story.



BERTHA’S FAVORITE RECIPES FOR CYCLISTS ON THE GO – PART 2

  

It was amazing the number of emails that I received after the first Recipes for Cyclists on the Go article was published. Little did I know that so many cyclists would be so receptive to nutritious, easy-to-fix meals that wouldn’t encroach too greatly on their much-needed time on the bike. Without wasting too many more words on this opening paragraph, let’s get right to the meat of this week’s topic.

Broccoli Lima Bean Casserole – (for cyclists on the go!)

Alright – so maybe there isn’t much actual meat to this week’s topic – but it sounds quite tasty nonetheless. This is my second-favorite recipe from probably my most favorite cook book: Home Cookin’ with Dave’s Mom – by Dave Letterman’s Mom, Dorothy. We’ll save my favorite-est recipe for another time.

Naturally, the first thing we have to do is to round up all of the ingredients. Since this is a recipe for cyclists on the go, I like to grab my environmentally-friendly cloth shoulder bag and head off to the grocery store – on the bicycle. Here’s a list of the items that you need to pick up at the grocery store:

One 10-ounce package of frozen chopped broccoli

One 10-ounce package of frozen lima beans

(you probably had a pretty good idea that we’d be needing those two ingredients, huh?)

One can of reduced-fat cream of mushroom soup

(that one was a surprise to me)

One package of onion soup mix

(so was that one)

One can of water chestnuts (sliced)

One stick of unsalted butter

One cup of light sour cream

3 cups of Rice Krispies

(you’ll need to buy the last two items in larger amounts than what is shown above. I could not find them packaged in those sizes anywhere in the store)

Okay – now that you’ve rounded up all that stuff, all you’ve got to do is get back on your bike and head home and-

What the HECK!!!

Okay, maybe for our next article we should discuss: LOCKING YOUR BIKE WHILE YOU’RE IN THE GROCERY STORE.

Take a few breaths. Relax. Count to ten. Alright – let’s continue. Now that you’ve rounded up all that stuff, all you’ve got to do is walk back home and we can begin the meal preparation stage. While you’re walking, just say to yourself over and over, “I’m glad I rode my brother’s bike to the store. I’m glad I rode my brother’s bike to the store.”

Once you arrive home, the next step is to get the rest of the family involved in the nutritious meal process. By rest of the family, I primarily mean: your mother. (Goodness knows we don’t want to bother the brother just yet!) Have your mom come into the kitchen, hand her the environmentally-friendly cloth bag of groceries and the Home Cookin’ with Dave’s Mom cook book opened to page 116. It will take her a few minutes to prepare all that stuff and then dump it into a medium casserole dish and then bake it at 350 degrees for 30 minutes – which will give you plenty of time to jump on your bike and…

Enjoy the ride!

PS – That recipe makes 12 generous servings. I’d suggest that you save at least 10 of them for your brother!      

GUIDELINES FOR INDOOR RIDING

OH MY GOODNESS!!! Could last summer have been any hotter? I can’t even count the number of times I burned my fingertips when I accidentally touched the frame of my bike while I was out riding. And off-road riding wasn’t any better. Every ride that I had been a part of this summer, no matter how many miles long it was, had been preceded by the words: Hotter Than Heck! Such as: The Hotter Than Heck ONE! Or even: The Hotter Than Heck Half Mile. And now, before we know it, it’s going to be cold. Freezing cold. Then every ride will be known as the Colder Than Heck something or other. It seems that we just can’t win.

So, what IS the best way to beat the outdoor elements and maintain ride-time on the bike? Obviously we need to just ride indoors in nice climate controlled conditions. This typically means mounting your bicycle onto your trainer and keeping a supply of towels handy to collect the sweat all while you are simply bored out of your mind and getting nowhere fast. I don’t know about you, but that option just doesn’t sound too appealing to me.

Well I say, “Who says you have to mount your bike on the trainer?” When we’re on our bikes, we want to go somewhere. We don’t want to just stay in one place and watch a video of a road or a mountain bike trail. We need to feel the speed, feel the turns, feel the climbs – we need to RIDE our bicycles. So pitch that trainer back in the garage, air up those tires, put your helmet on and get ready for…

GUIDELINES FOR BIKE RIDING INSIDE THE HOUSE (OR APARTMENT)

1. Proper furniture placement – Before you can just jump on your bike and start riding in your house you naturally have to take some advance precautions. You’ll want to maximize your riding area and the best way to do this is to pull all of the furniture away from the wall. I would normally suggest a good three to four feet but this can be adjusted as to your own cycling skills or the width of your rear end. If you have lamps, appliances, or other electrical items on this furniture, I would suggest hiring a competent electrician to install electrical outlets on your ceiling in convenient locations so that the cords will not drape across your pathway. A less expensive approach might be to construct little bridges across the electrical cords. Use extreme caution when routing the cords under the bridges to ensure that no part of the bridge will rub against the cord or that no nails or screws have penetrated the protective plastic coating around the wires.
2. Ventilation and Air Flow – Primary Rule #1: There is no such thing as “too many” when it comes to fans scattered along your in-house trails. You will want to make sure to adjust the thermostat for the coolest temperatures possible. You WILL work up a sweat indoors. If you have installed bridges, teeter-totters, or other obstacles, you will need to pay special attention to where they are in relation to ceiling fans. Make sure that you’ve allowed plenty of headroom while riding. You don’t want to simply rely on the person in front of you to yell “Duck!” (Which has shown to be a significant challenge while swallowing a ceiling fan blade at the same time.) Box and pedestal fans should also be placed along the route to ensure that the riders do not overheat. Be sure and adhere to the guidelines above regarding precautions with the electrical cords.
3. Stairs (for those with multi-level homes) – Like any good off-road course, nothing beats the challenge of a good steep climb or descent. But then again, nothing can be more dangerous than to have a head-on collision in these areas because of sloppy, or no, signage. If you are fortunate enough to have two staircases in your house, this is pretty much a no-brainer – designate one as the “up” staircase and the other as the “down” staircase. Since home staircases tend to be steep, you will want to prominently display the sign with three arrows pointing straight down (designating an extremely steep descent). If you only have one staircase, this can pose some slightly different challenges – but nothing that cannot be solved. One option would be the freefall drop. Just pick up any good off-road publication and you will see endless photos of downhill racers flying off into thin air from the top of a cliff. You can recreate such an obstacle from your second floor by simply removing a three- or four-foot section of handrail at some point along your second floor. Use a trial-and-error method to determine a safe landing point on the ground floor and then make sure to clear any furniture out of the way. You might want to use one of your least-favorite children, or possibly a younger brother or sister to test ride the bike through this section of the course until you get the landing spot tuned in. For those with more carpentry skills, skinny little ramps can be built from the second level and, depending on the layout of your house, could involve all sorts of twists and turns before delivering the rider back to the first level. If you happen to be more “electrically” inclined, it would also be an option to install traffic lights at the top and the bottom of the staircase. Quite simply: green means go, red means stop. As you can tell, staircases can greatly enhance the excitement of indoor cycling.
4. Water features – Nothing can be more fun for an indoor cycling course than a water crossing.   Consider possibly altering some of your indoor walls by knocking huge holes in the sheetrock to allow the course to travel through one of your bathrooms. Nothing can spice up a shower or a good soak in the tub more than the possibility of your cycling-fanatic family member zooming through from time to time.
5. And speaking of family members - let’s not forget our non-cycling loved ones who live with us – Yes, you know who they are. That wife who dutifully washes all of your cycling clothes each week. That husband who is firmly an integral part of the couch all weekend long. That child who left their bike out in the backyard to rust once you taught them how to drive the car. That infant who is too lazy to crawl yet, let alone ride a bike. Yes, those that you call loved ones. If you’re going to be converting your house, you need to make sure that you make certain allowances for them.
1. Okay, you’ve got the thermostat set on 58 while you ride – you need to make sure that you’ve provided for their warmth: electric blankets, parkas, Snuggies (the fancy ones not the cheesy looking ones), mittens, ear muffs and wool caps. You need to accept the fact that you will need to spend more money on things like these.
2. The television could very well be a major part of your non-cycling loved one’s life while you ride. Have the foresight to NOT route your trail between their favorite chair and the TV set. I personally know of too many divorces that happened because of this thoughtless act.
3. Sometimes while cycling, you will be very loud and downright noisy. This could be irritating to family members. Make sure you get them the best quality earmuffs you can find – the ones with built in speakers so they can hear the TV.
4. When nature calls, you won’t want you loved ones to be wandering across your trail as you come hauling butt through the dining room or something. Academy, REI, Camping World, and most good family department stores sell fairly inexpensive porta-potty units. Be a considerate indoor cyclist family member and invest in one of those for your loved one and place it close to their TV set.

Remember: the love you give is equal to the love you get.

So there you have it – a good start on pretty much everything you need to know about constructing an indoor riding course through your home and designing it in such a way that your family members won’t hate you. (However, it would be a pretty good idea to remove all weapon-type things from your home. You know, things like rifles, crossbows, blow darts, sabers, axes, etc… just to be on the safe side.) Please feel free to share construction ideas and tips as you begin to build you own indoor trails – and don’t forget to take plenty of photographs. Who knows? - we may just feature YOUR trail in an upcoming More On Cycling article!

Enjoy the ride – and enjoy it in indoor comfort!

REVISITING THE BICYCLE HANDLEBAR ASHTRAY

My previous article about Christmas gift-giving ideas had barely gone to press before the emails started pouring in. Within only a few days, my mailbox had reached maximum capacity. It seems that everyone wanted to know more information about the handlebar ashtray. I’m sure the manufacturers of the handlebar ashtray had no idea that the demand for their product would far outweigh their production capabilities. It’s always heartwarming to see an American success story such as this.

But, as with many new inventions, all is not so perfect in the world of the bicycle handlebar ashtray. One such imperfection is highlighted in the following letter that I received from avid cyclist and long-time More On Cycling follower, A.K. from Fort Worth, Texas.

Dear Bertha,

My wife and I ride a tandem – so naturally, when we read your article about the handlebar ashtray we immediately ordered two of them. We were quite proud as we were the first in our cycling club to show up at a Saturday ride with them installed on our bike. However, I feel that I must tell you about one minor flaw that we discovered with this product – it is not really all that great for the Stoker on a tandem. Well, let me rephrase that just a tad: It is not really all that great for the Captain on a tandem when the Stoker has one of these handlebar ashtrays installed on the rear set of handlebars. Since the stem of the Stoker’s handlebars is located primarily below the Captain’s saddle, it is a little bit of an awkward maneuver for the Stoker to get the cigarette butt directly into the ashtray. So far, my wife has ruined four pair of my cycling shorts by, shall we say, jabbing her butt into my butt! This is really a fantastic new product but we believe that the manufacturers may need to give a little more thought to all of those tandem Stokers out there – not to mention the safety of the tandem Captains.

A.K. from Fort Worth, Texas (Oh yeah, sorry. You already mentioned that I was from Ft Worth, didn’t you?)

Dear A.K.

Within moments of reading your letter, I felt obligated to contact the manufacturers of the handlebar ashtray and relay your painful experience. They immediately promised that they would put their team of engineers on the task of solving this (their words, not mine) “tremendous oversight” for all the tandem riders in the world. Within a week, we here at More On Cycling received the following communication from them:

Dear More On Cycling,

Thank you and your loyal followers for bringing this “tremendous oversight” for all the tandem riders in the world to our attention. For the last seven days, our team of engineers has worked around the clock to develop a solution to this “tremendous oversight.” We are now pleased to announce our new product that will be on the market within the next couple of weeks – the revolutionary:

Tandem Bicycle Stoker Spittoon!

Naturally we had to “think outside the box” to arrive at this solution and we’re hoping that it won’t impose too much of an inconvenience to all of those tandem riders out there. As you see, our solution will require only a slight modification to the nicotine habits of the tandem Stoker in that they will need to switch to one of the smokeless alternatives offered by the tobacco industry. Thank you once again for all of your support and for always helping us to bring our new products to the cycling masses.

Yours truly,

(Name of manufacturer withheld pending possible lawsuits)

Well there you have it loyal readers - technology marches on. This is a shining example of how one good idea spawns another good idea that will more than likely spawn another good idea. Hmmm – only time will tell!  

Be sure to keep those cards and letters coming in and, as always – be sure to keep finding time to…

Enjoy the Ride!

(Bertha Ashtabula and More On Cycling would like to remind everyone that all kinds of tobacco products are not good for you – unless just maybe you happen to be the owner of a tobacco plantation.)

JUST IN CASE YOU NEED MORE GIFT-GIVING IDEAS

“It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas…” And, it started beginning to look a lot like Christmas in our local department stores a couple of weeks before Columbus Day!  Can you believe that? Of course, the rage this year is LED lights. I noticed that there are even places that will take your old fashioned lights in on trade. In fact, I think I even saw a few “Rent to Own” LED light stores popping up here and there. In my neck of the woods, I had neighbors putting up their Christmas tree the day before Halloween. Good grief – I just got all my boxes of Christmas decorations put back up in the attic on Labor Day weekend!

But we’re not here to talk about Christmas trees, or decorations or Christmas lights – LED or otherwise. This a cycling article. We’re here to talk about cycling and, as always at this time of year, what to give your cyclist significant other. Yes, it’s time to dip into the old mailbag once again and review a sampling of the thousands of letters and emails that pour in throughout the year by perplexed spouses, partners, family members, etc. – all wanting to know what unique gift they can find to provide their cycling other-half with the best Christmas ever.  So, without further ado…

Dear Bertha –

I know everyone always says this to you, but my husband is a cycling nut and he has absolutely everything that one can possibly imagine for his bicycle and more cycling apparel than even fits in our closet.  I don’t even know why I’m writing to you about this – I’ve pretty much just made up my mind that I’m going to go buy him a gold watch or a diamond ring this year. But, I thought maybe you just might have an idea of a unique cycling gift that I haven’t heard of yet.  

Hunting for Ideas in St Albans, West Virginia

Dear Hunting –

Believe me, no cyclist wants gold watches or diamond rings. Whether they are a man or woman, those kinds of frivolous baubles just don’t mean a thing to a die-hard cyclist. Trust me on this. I notice that you live in West Virginia – near Charleston. There’s probably a lot of tobacco farms in your area so there’s a good chance that your husband smokes (whether he tells you he does or not). The cycling accessory that is all the rage this year is the handlebar mounted ash tray. It comes in three basic colors: blue, red, and green. They are also available with the logo of your favorite beer emblazoned on each side.  Believe me, in this day and age when more and more cyclists are becoming self-conscious about just tossing their cigarette butts to the side of the road as they ride, these handlebar ashtrays are a true sign of a cyclist who really cares. I don’t think you can go wrong with this gift.

Dear Bertha –

I know everyone always writes in and tells you that their girlfriend is a cycling nut and that she has everything imaginable in the way of cycling stuff. I was one of those people last year. I wrote in to you and told you that I was thinking about just getting her a vacuum cleaner because I couldn’t think of any cycling gift to give her. I don’t remember exactly what lame cycling gift you suggested, but I pretty much ignored you and got her the vacuum cleaner instead.  Well, let me tell you, spending the first three months of the year in the hospital was no picnic for me. As you predicted, the first chance she got, she used the vacuum cleaner to try and suck my brains out through my ear after I had fallen asleep on the couch while watching the football game.  This year, I promise I will pay attention to your suggestions.

Learned My Lesson in East Leroy, Michigan

Dear Lesson Learned –

You just can’t believe how it does my heart good to read letters like this. So many men think they know what is best when it comes to giving their wives and girlfriends meaningful gifts. I’m truly sorry that you ignored my suggestions last year. But hey – it’s a new year. Trust me. This year, I suggest that you give your girlfriend a new garbage disposal.

Dear Bertha –

I know everyone always says this to you, but my husband is a cycling nut and there is absolutely not one thing that he doesn’t have – and at least two of, at that. I even got him the new handlebar ashtray for his birthday last August! Please, please, please – I’ve looked at every cycling catalogue and on every cycling website and there is nothing that he doesn’t already have.  I desperately need to find him the most unique cycling gift.

At Wits End in Eddyville, Oregon

Dear Witless –

You are so in luck! I just got an email today from this company that will make – are you ready for this? – a life-sized statue of your cycling nut loved one. Can you believe that? What greater honor can you give your husband? Imagine it – right there in your living room, or den, or on the back patio, or wherever – your husband and his bicycle, immortalized in resin and in full color wearing his favorite cycling kit. (Black and White versions are also available but for some silly reason, they are about 5% higher in price.) Let me tell you about the beauty of how this works. They put your husband and his bicycle in this huge vat about three feet wide, seven feet long and seven feet high. Then, when he is in his favorite cycling position, they insert a tube into each of his nostrils and attach them to an oxygen machine. Next, they fill the vat to the brim with some gooey, yellow substance. The gooey substance turns white as it hardens to make the mold for the final sculpture. Now, none of this is really all that important. What is important is that it takes about 48 hours for this stuff to harden to the point that they can break your husband out of the mold. This is more than enough time for you to go and do whatever the heck you please! Hey, what he doesn’t know what hurt him, right? Plus, this should more than make up for the fact that he bought you a vacuum cleaner for Christmas last year!

Well my cycling friends, surely by now this wraps up our gift-giving ideas for this holiday season.

Enjoy the ride!

MISCELLANEOUS CYCLING CALENDAR FACTS - MAYBE

So once again, here we are in December. December – from the Latin word decem – meaning the month of the ten-speed. Back during the Roman calendar, when the bicycle was first invented, the fifth month was called Quintilis, from the Latin word quinque (meaning five) for that is the month that King Romulus invented the five-speed bicycle.

It was then that cycling boomed across Italy and by the time they were in the midst of the tenth month, December, Campagnolo had invented the 10-speed derailleur. They then basically took the next 61 days off for winter, during which they did absolutely no riding because those days were not actually assigned to any month and thus they were unable to make any entries into their cycling logbooks.

By the time 713 BC rolled around, King Numa Pompilius really felt the desire to have the kingdom out cycling during the winter time and had January and February added to the calendar to account for those unnamed 61 days. Unfortunately, by the time he was able to get this adjustment made to the calendar, the horse had been invented and most all of the people in the kingdom had taken advantage of the “cash for clunker” offers and had traded in their bikes for horses.

As a result, the bicycle virtually disappeared off the face of the earth for roughly the next 2,550 years and basically no one got to...

Enjoy the ride!